Satire

Fiona's Make Under
By: Karla Depina

In today's society, many people are not content with the way they look. They are constantly changing the color of their hair, getting the latest hairstyles, wearing a lot of makeup to cover up their imperfections, etc, etc. Others take drastic measures such as getting all sorts of things done to themselves: plastic surgery, and/or liposuction. This is a story about Fiona. An ordinary princess who did not like her appearance. Fiona was a very pretty girl throughout most of her life. "People everywhere always said that I was the prettiest girl they had ever laid eyes on. What they did not see were all my imperfections that I saw every time I glanced at a mirror." Fiona claimed. "That is when I decided that in order to be happy with myself, I was going to have to get some type of plastic surgery. I would have to reconstruct everything." Fiona had her first consultation with Dr. Fixit; the top plastic surgeon in the country (who is also Angelina Jolie and Kim Kardashian's surgeon). Everything was set, and Fiona was ready to start a new life of perfection.
Dr. Fixit explained, "It was a little difficult to come up with a certain "look" for her. She has amazing cheekbones, and I wanted that to show through. She also had a cute button nose I wanted to enhance just a little bit more, including her lips. I wanted to give her lips just like I did with Angelina. Fiona's figure was also this amazing shape, but all of it needed much improvement."
"I am very nervous about this procedure, but I am also very ecstatic." Fiona had mentioned just the day before the big day. It was a two day procedure. After a few weeks of healing, Fiona was ready to show herself to the world. While waiting at Italia, the famous Italian restaurant, there was a gorgeous lady that walked in with a faint glow of green skin. Her lips were identical to Angelina Jolie, and her button nose was much more plump than an ordinary button nose. Her cheekbones had deep contours like Mount Kilamanjaro. Her ears? There were just no words to describe them; they were just so waxy. Her figure was also flawless. Fiona has become a beautiful person through and through; it was just hard to see through her imperfections.
"I feel amazing. Dr. Fixit has definitely has outdone himself. Everyone says that I even look better than Angelina Jolie and Kim Kardashian combined. When I first looked at my reflection, I had tears in my eyes. I cannot believe how amazing I look. It was the best decision I have ever made." She also recently got engaged. "Shrek and I are both happy with the work that has been done." She also claims that Shrek is very handsome himself. Who ever said plastic surgery was bad for you?


BEFORE



AFTER

FD of Satire

JUSTICE FOR THE HEALTH CARE SYSTEM
CHICAGO – After a wild chase in the streets of Chicago, one of the most wanted fugitives in the country was finally in the hands of justice. More than a dozen police officers took part in the risky operation of ceasing the 250 bus. The quiet suburb of Niles became a scene from an action movie. “I’m terrified by the idea of such criminals walking the streets of our neighborhood,” said a witness of the chase, who wished to remain anonymous. “Thank God it’s over now.”
Niles is actually where it all started. S.P. has been residing in the area for more than two years. After injuring her finger at work, she had the impudence to go to the local hospital. “I was forced to see a doctor,” was all that S.P. had to say in her defense. “Forced? There are procedures in this company,” stated A.B., a general manager of the restaurant. “We took the required two hours to report the incident to the corporate office. She was OK draining her blood in the sink.”
The emergency room personnel did their best at blowing the incoming bill. “We couldn’t accommodate the patient with the same charges as a heart attack or a car crash, but we offered her a bed and stitches,” said S.U., a hospital representative, with regret in his voice. “Unfortunately, she refused the anesthetic and the tetanus shot.” The bill came a few weeks later.
It’s been more than six months since S.P. committed this horrible crime of not paying a thousand dollars to the hospital. She claims that her employer promised to cover the costs. The general manager complains that S.P. hasn’t left him in peace since her so-called “incident." He also plans to sue her for harassment.
The hospital authorities had to take things in their hands. After months of diplomatic correspondence with the criminal, they were compelled to look for a professional help. “Bounty Hunter”, a famous debt collection firm, was their first choice. “We’ve never encountered so many problems in a fugitive locating,” said R.D., an employee of the firm. “These types of criminals are hard to spot. I was engaged in calling her 24/7.”
Yesterday it all came to an end. The 250 bus was ceased at the Dempster and Milwaukee intersection in Niles. The chase took 15 minutes, six police cars, and two helicopters. It seemed like the fugitive had an accomplice, because nothing could stop the mad bus driver from Evanston to the above intersection. The bus driver also tried to sabotage the operation by not letting the police officers in without a pass. “I don’t have change, I don’t sell transfers, it’s written everywhere, and I’m telling you,” were his last words before being tasered. The fugitive was captured while trying to sneak through the back door. The bus was inspected for other fugitives too. All the passengers looked very suspicious. After all, they were riding a bus.
“I would like to express my gratitude to all the brave people who worked on this case restlessly. And to you, who are out there not paying your hospital bills, I have an advice – don’t get sick, if you don’t have an insurance. You can run, but you can’t hide,” said the financial director of the hospital, who observed the action from one of the helicopters.
The hospital plans to sue S.P. for the amount of the bill and for moral damage.

-Silviya R. Petkova

writing techniques

- idioms
- pathetic fallacy
- allusions

Links from Olivia

1. Your FD is due Tuesday.

2. required reading/RR: A Modest Proposal--click on “read online” and be sure to read the FULL text (7 pages)—leaders

3. optional reading/RR: The Lowest Animal

Writting Techniques

1.Imagery
2. Kenning
3. Irony


Nadia Avila

3 Writing Techniques

1) Your choice of words.

2) your style, writing how you speak(well... Thats mine o.O)

3) Figurative Launguage

There is something wrong with the link for next week's homework:

This one works!